Z/Web

Director: Wolfgang Petersen

From the promos, I had no interest in seeing this film. It looked incredibly lame: a bunch of fishermen go out in a boat even though the storm of the century is approaching? How stupid is that? But that’s not what happens: there is no storm when the men leave, but to get home they must return through the storm. If they wait, the 60,000 pounds of swordfish they caught will spoil.

Three-quarters of the way through the film I was saying to myself, “Wow, I like this better than

I’m not the kind of person that demands Hollywood give me a happy ending (I love the unexpected), but I do demand a good story. Stories are NOT reality. Reality is sad, ugly, and imperfect. Stories are crafted — they seem real, but are crafted to guarantee certain emotions. As such they play by certain rules. When an author violates those rules, they violate us, the reader/viewer. This film is horrible in that respect. It reminds me of a short story I had to read in college: Max Apple’s “The Oranging of America.” Absolutely the worst short story I’ve ever read (even though, according to critics, it’s in the top 100 of all time). The story is interesting and fascinating until the very end you find out that absolutely none of it is true or has any basis for reality at all. Essentially, everything you read was pointless. Instead of a traditional essay, I wrote a blistering rebuke of the story for my class response. I didn’t even care what grade I got: I figured I’d probably get an “F” because if the teacher picked the story he must like it. If I remember right, I got a “C”: he didn’t agree with me, but what I wrote was certainly passionate and rational. I absolutely hated the story and I felt the author was a traitor to literature and mankind. (I will never read anything by him again.) This film doesn’t quite raise my ire to that level, but it’s close. I realize that the film is based on a real-life incident and that in real-life the boat did sink and everyone did drown: but that’s not my problem with the film. My problem is that the film was written and directed like an action survival story, the kind where crafty people claw their way back to life with their fingernails and live to tell about it. Sure, maybe one or two of the group don’t make it, and maybe there’s a scar or two, but most live. If this film was supposed to have been a tragedy it needed a completely different feel. Look at Titanic: we knew going in everyone was going to die and that gave extra weight to all their words and actions. When we saw a character talking about his ambitions, we were horrified and sad because we knew he’d never get to realize those dreams. In this movie, there was no warning, no explanation, no healing, no hope. It’s just an incredibly badly written film that had no point of being made except to show off some computerized special effects of giant waves. Sorry to be such a brute if you liked the film, but this one is definitely in my Top 10 Worst Films of 2000 category.

One thing that’s interesting about open cups is that teams from different divisions get the chance to compete against each other. Sunderland’s a Premiere League team, while Palace is in the First Division. That didn’t mean the game wasn’t competitive, though. The first half was a bit boring, but the second half kicked off with a goal from Palace. Sunderland’s keeper did a great blunder, kicking the ball straight to a Palace player. He dribbled in alone, drew the keeper away from the goal, and slid the ball to a team who put it into the open net. A shocking mistake! But less than a minute later, Sunderland took control with a terrific series of passes in their opponent’s box. The defender had Sunderland’s player marked, but missed the ball, allowing him a point blank shot (which he scored). You’d have thought Sunderland would gain momentum from that, but it was all Palace, with a series of post shots and near chances. Finally, late in the game, Palace took it with a great goal from Morrison. He dribbled in on the right wing, fooled a defender, and put in a neat slider to the far corner of the net. Nice. Final: 2-1 Crystal Palace, who advance to the semi-finals.

Author: Edgar Rice Burroughs

Amazing, incredible book. No one does plots like Burroughs. There’s just enough foreshadowing you can see where he’s going, but that just makes you anxious to get to the end of the novel so you have that wrap-up ending you crave. Burroughs’ plots aren’t fabricated, but completely character driven: one always feels like the actions of the good and bad guys are real. He’s great at taking fabulous situations and making them believable. In this case we’ve got Tarzan’s son, who grew up in England, completely ignorant of his father’s history. His mother didn’t want him risking his life in Africa. But the boy craves adventure and loves wild animals. Eventually, through a series of circumstances, he ends up leaving home and traveling to Africa, where he lives in the wild as Tarzan did. Many, many years later, after countless adventures, at the end of the book, he’s reunited with his parents. Great stuff. One of Burroughs’ best.