Z/Web

I wonder why I’d never heard of this? It’s an interesting idea. A lonely British bank clerk sends off for a Russian bride. She arrives not speaking a word of Russian, but since she’s played by Nicole Kidman, he can’t bear to send her away. Especially when she’s so… willing. But when some of her male Russian friends visit, we sense something’s not right. Then the Russian friends tie her up and threaten to hurt her unless the bank clerk brings them the money from the safe. So he does, only to discover that the girl was in on the scam. He’s furious, but when the girl is abandoned by the Russians, he befriends her, still wondering if he can trust her. Interesting idea, and overall I liked the film, but it has some awkward aspects. For instance, there are entire scenes of Russians arguing in Russian with no subtitles. I guess we’re supposed to figure out what’s going on from their gestures or something, but often it’s not clear what’s going on. By the same token, the first half of the film Kidman’s character pretends she can’t speak English, so she and the guy never talk, meaning we’ve got scene after scene of near silence. Overall it’s an interesting (though implausible) idea, but’s a little dry to be as good as it believes itself to be.

I’ll confess up front that I have grudge against this film. The trailers when I saw them last summer just annoyed me and I had zero interest in seeing the movie. It just looked dumb. But recently I’ve heard it mentioned by critics as good, so I rented the DVD. Guess what? It is dumb, but it’s not as bad as the trailer makes since the trailer just pulls out a few lame jokes. For instance, the first joke in the film is a penile length crack, quickly followed by an animal stepping in excrement. Disney this is not. The concept’s okay: a motley group of animals (a sabertooth tiger, a sloth, and a wooly mammoth), while migrating to south to escape the cold ice age weather, seek to return a lost human baby to its tribe. Setting aside the fact that the humans are remarkably advances for ice age primates, the plot thickens when we realize the sabertooth is leading the others into a trap so his pack can kill the mammoth. Of course they all end up becoming best friends and living happily ever after. It’s predictable and the silly stupid animals are rather annoying, but it’s generally harmless. The animation is surprisingly low quality — extremely computer-generated and cartoony. I guess this appeals to kids, but frankly, if you missed seeing this, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.