Z/Web

Author: Augusten Burroughs

This is a bizarre book. I’d heard of the author (he did Running with Scissors) but this wasn’t what I expected at all. I expected a biting satire about home shopping TV and while there’s some of that, it’s presented within interrelated tales of several “Sellavision” hosts. It’s depressing, as the network seems to have a knack for destroying the lives of all these hosts, as we watch one guy get fired for accidentally exposing his penis on TV and then eventually, becoming a gay porn star, while a woman ends up in the looney bin. While some of these stories are interesting, I didn’t really care about any of the characters, which made this for an endless read. It’s well-done in many ways, and I liked the way everything wrapped up at the end, but throughout the entire book I kept wondering, “Where the heck is this going?” and I never did get a satisfactory answer. It’s just a slice of life, I guess, like a stream of consciousness. There’s no real plot, just excerpts. Not terrible, but not what I expected or wanted, and I was disappointed. And some of the sex stuff was really unanticipated and offensive.

I was mildly intrigued by these when I saw the trailers, and then it bombed at the box office and got such horrible reviews my interest evaporated. But I had a free movie ticket that was expiring, and this was the only film qualified (the ticket didn’t work for new releases and I’d seen everything else). To my surprise, this isn’t nearly as bad as people say. In fact, I rather liked it. The plot is incredibly, inanely dumb and makes no sense at all. Basically our hero’s a spy or assassin or something, meets the beautiful girl and retires and marries her. Years later there’s a hit out on our killer (someone’s posted an absurd $20 million bounty for his head) and she learns of his past life. The two then try to fight off a hoard of killers when it seems everyone they know is a sleeper agent watching them and waiting for the order to kill. The key “reveal” at the end is even more ridiculous. But the lame plot is only an excuse to see the couple squabble over guns and killing, and for some mindless action. There are definite problems with those aspects of the movie as well, but I still liked their relationship and found it interesting and fun, especially as the girl learns how to shoot guns and becomes a little bit of a badass (her character is the non-adventurous type). One annoyance was when the two squabbled over silly marital things in the middle of running for their lives — I guess it was supposed to be funny but it had a serious edge to it that I found distasteful and distracting. Overall, this is a weak film. It has many problems. It’s slow to get going, it can’t quite decide if it’s a comedy, an action film, a drama, or a love story, and in the end it’s just a mishmash of genres that doesn’t work. But the film does have some good moments. There are some good scenes, some good lines and decent acting, and the leads are fairly charming. I might be biased because I had a free ticket, but I was surprised at how much I didn’t hate this. It was amusing in a brain-dead way.

What a fantastic game and result for the United States. What impressed me the most was their composure and lack of panic, even when we had another goal incorrectly called off, hit the post and it just wouldn’t go in, and time was running out. That goal was terrific team play well-executed, not a desperate Hail Mary. Best of all, the U.S. win the group — an amazing feat few would have predicted — and now we avoid the Germany side of the bracket and have the potential to go far in this tournament. It’s not going to be easy by any stretch, but I like the way the team has progressed and matured, and after the trials they’ve had so far to reach this stage, I believe they are ready. A huge day for American soccer.

What a fantastic game and result for the United States. What impressed me the most was their composure and lack of panic, even when we had another goal incorrectly called off, hit the post and it just wouldn’t go in, and time was running out. That goal was terrific team play well-executed, not a desperate Hail Mary. Best of all, the U.S. win the group — an amazing feat few would have predicted — and now we avoid the Germany side of the bracket and have the potential to go far in this tournament. It’s not going to be easy by any stretch, but I like the way the team has progressed and matured, and after the trials they’ve had so far to reach this stage, I believe they are ready. A huge day for American soccer.